Shit my Mamaw says

"Is he really singin’ or is this karaoke?" Think about that one.

"Why do yas talk to me when you know I can’t hear?!"

"We don’t have to listen to this guy’s shit." Mamaw is an intellectual.

"They have beer. Good. That’s all we drink."

"It’s to early for things to be fun."

Mamaw’s best friend is in town.

Mom: “Florence, there’s the ghetto.” Flo: “Well that’s a nice ghetto - better than our ghettos.” Mamaw: “Well I could live there!” Flo: “We’re downtown. Where’s the courthouse? I wanna see the judge. He’s my heroooo.”

"Where’d you get those sexy glasses, Nicky? Didja steal em from some queer?"

Mamaw: “CJ, I heard you started drinkin’.

Me: “I heard you started drinking!”

Mamaw: “Well yes, I’m always drinkin’!”

Me: “Cassie cooked tonight.”

Mamaw: “Ohh! Tell her I give her FOUR stars!”

Me: “Why only four?”

Mamaw: “Four stars for effort!!”

awkward silence

Mamaw: “Did you tell her? What’d she say?”

Two things about this: 

  • Mamaw has a weird grading scale
  • Mamaw lives for mydues
Dinner date, 6/21/11

"Nicky, you’re smushin’ my boobie!"

"Cassie, I’ll call you. We’ll go bar hoppin’."

"A 97 year old man wants me. He wants me bad."